That morning I was writing something that resembled poetry. The two suns rising over the hills seen from our window created something of a muse. The safety I feel in this group isn't like anything I have ever felt. The lack of judgment and connection I have with them is remarkable. I know I have mentioned this before but its a crucial part of this adventure. Finding peace within myself has allowed a specific door to open. I feel confident in creating again. The confidence I thought drowned in my attempts to medicate myself. I was damaged and put my early friends through a ridiculous amount of unwanted drama. I was so embarrassed that visiting my hometown would cause panic attacks. I thought I would turn back into that person or the unsettling idea of meeting someone from my past. I would want to apologize, but that would be awkward, it seems that it's always awkward for me.
Dye slid into the conversation, " some things aren't very poetic are they?" I shook my head no. He added, "forgive your past, forgive yourself. The same way you forgave those who harmed you. Things are continually changing, especially us. We are not the same creature that existed back then, and the past doesn't recognize us. That's the disconnect we now feel, that's the mystery. Let it be beautiful." I could feel my face smiling. Dye sometimes sounds like Wizard, and it's confusing. He handed me a small abstract piece. It was dreamy, very romantic and almost resembled a poem. Maybe that's why I am the recipient? He stated, " Becoming aware makes childish dreams seem silly, we have to reinvent the muse. We can't cry because she doesn't love us. We now know that she has her adventure and the connection we have towards her is ours, not hers. We have to let the muse breathe, it's not about our ego anymore, and it never was." He looked down at the piece and said, "Awareness kills the romantic."